When we know we have a destructive behaviour, why don’t we change it?
We all have limiting behavioural patterns that we would like to change but for some reason can’t seem to. We try and will ourselves to change the behaviour only to be disappointed when our willpower runs out. When this happens consistently, we typically move to the next stage which is resignation. Here we come to the conclusion that maybe this is just who we are and the best thing to do is to stop fooling ourselves and just accept it. Through our language we programme the pattern into our identity of who we are, when we do this change becomes impossible. The sad thing then is that we settle for a life of pain where we are never truly free.
In my experience the number one reason why people don’t change is because they are not clear of exactly what to change, and so they try to change behavior by working on the behavior and trying to fix it, but to do this you need willpower, and willpower only lasts as long as you have it, then you find that the behavour re-emerges.
Ground breaking work done by world renowned behavioural expert – Anthony Robbins in the field of Human Needs Psychology has provided a framework to help us really get to the gut of what drives all human behavior. When you can understand the root cause of why you do what you do, you may find that there could be a myriad of behaviours all stemming from the same pattern. And importantly, when you understand what is driving the persistent, and in a lot of cases destructive behaviour, you can change it. This is addressing the cause rather than treating the symptom, which is always the behavior. Most people are under the illusion that change takes a long time, and this is because for so long we have been taught to focus on changing the behavior instead of understanding what is driving the behavior, and then shifting that.
Human Needs Psychology has come a long way since the days of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs in the 1930’s. Through Anthony Robbins’ observation of literally millions of people, we now know that there are six basic human needs.
These are…
Certainty; Variety / Uncertainty; Significance; Connection / Love; Growth and Contribution. We all need to meet at least the top four needs. Growth and contribution are vital for long term fulfillment and not everyone finds a way to meet these. Each of us values these needs in a different order. Our top two needs determine the flavor of our life and fundamentally affect every choice and decision we make. We can meet these needs in positive ways or negative ways. We can also meet them in attainable ways, (short term gain, long term pain) or sustainable ways.
Watch out for our up an coming articles as we explore these needs in greater depth…
Discover and live your purpose!!!
